Friday, February 1, 2008

How *NOT* to give a good presentation!

Tips on how not to give a good presentation:

  1. Consider your audience as a bunch of idiots who know nothing about FOSS, Linux or anything that matters, and that you know everything.
  2. Do not test your laptop with the projector before hand. Make sure you waste the first 10 minutes of your talk getting the projector to project. And when you get half-baked projection, keep blaming the projector and proprietary drivers for any defects.
  3. As your audience are morons who are incapable of using a computer or finding things on the net, you don't need to construct good examples and demos. Just show them some ready-made demos available on the internet or on your machine.
  4. Make sure you do not have alternate media like a flash stick or your material already stored on the internet in case your machine doesn't work or the internet is down. Just curse the organizers and cut your talk short.
  5. Ensure that there is no whiteboard/blackboard available in case power goes off. And *never* ever have your notes on paper so you can use them with a whiteboard. You are too important for obsolete techniques like this.
  6. Make bold statements that Y FOSS software is far superior to X proprietary software. Explain that you know this because some friend told you. Start to actually demo the superior FOSS equivalent, but make sure that time constraints prevent you from finishing the demo before the audience realizes that you have never used either X or Y.
  7. Never ask the organizers what kind of audience is expected, how many people and what should the scope of the talk be - what do those clowns know anyway?
  8. Never ask the audience what level they are, what they know and what they would like to hear. You know what is best for them - shove it down their throats.
  9. And, most important, drop names - keep saying: 'as Richard was telling me the other day', 'when I bumped into Guido in Beijing he said'.
  10. Lastly, after the talk is over, don't call the organisers to ask when you can talk again - wait for them to call you.

This has been directly taken from lawgon's blog post here.